To me, one of the most annoying things in the world has to be bad drivers. You all know what I'm talking about. That one guy who won't let you merge onto New Circle, the people who pass you on a 2 lane road with double yellow lines. What we should do is when a teenager goes to get their intermediate license, if they should pass, a small camera should be installed on top of their car. This car should be one that has a very high storage capacity. Enough capacity to save about 18 months of medium quality video footage. The camera would turn on when the car was turned on. The footage would be reviewed later by officials. If any sort of crappy driving was caught on the tape, the teenager would be barred from driving until they could prove they could drive safely.
Disclaimer: This would only apply to those born after 2000.
Disclaimer 2: I suck at satire.
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Assignment #13 - Daniel Kolpek
Two weeks ago, the Indianapolis Colts announced that their quarterback Andrew Luck would be out for two to six weeks to recover from a kidney laceration and partially torn abdominal muscle. With this being his second major injury of the season, the Colts and their coach Chuck Pagano decided that they will need to make a few additions to Luck's protective gear in order to keep him healthy and ready to play. Colts wide receiver T.Y. Hilton suggested that they wrap him in bubble wrap and remarked, "He just can't keep getting hurt like this. We need him this season and wrapping him in bubble wrap will be the perfect way to keep him protected." Coach Pagano also proposed having him wear a bullet proof vest under his current pads. "The vest would help protect his chest and ribs, which seem to be a very fragile area in his body" Pagano said afterwards. Whichever solution they choose, hopefully Luck will be well protected when he returns to games within the next few weeks, and will be able to lead the Colts to the playoffs.
Assignment 13 (I apologize if I offended you) -Emily Sandford
Due to the surge in holiday spirits
Starbucks will ditch their current holiday cups for something more suitable, a gradient
cup from pure godly white to unholy satanic red. The white will be adorned with
Jesus on a cloud surrounded by money, and happiness to emphasize the only holiday in the
season. The red will be adorned by the one and only Satan surrounded by the darkest
and most depressing things that should stay in Hell, student debts, and making
your own doctor appointments. Statistics have shown that the Christian elite have
been unhappy with the red to cranberry cup over the fact that it lacks in
Holiday identifying features like snow, “Merry Chirstmas”, and even a Christmas
tree.
We originally planned on placing a
more Hanukkah theme on to these cups and then realized that it wouldn’t soothe
the sea of raging Starbucks go’ers.
We hope that you enjoy your new cup
and we apologize to those who don’t like this new cup, not everyone can be
happy.
assignment 13-Will Shapiro
Everyone knows there is a big problem with overcrowded jails in America. Thousands of people get put away every year for mostly petty crimes that should only require a slap on the wrist. Unfortunately for us, there hasn't been an alternative besides spending millions upon millions of taxpayer dollars every year to "fix" all those criminals through jail time. Well fear not everyone, for an alternative has arrived! If the government were to build large arenas in every state, instead of serving jail time, we could take notes from the glorious Roman Empire and just have them fight it out. They are prisoners so who cares what happens to them anyway. This will not only solve the overpopulation issue, but it will also solve the money issue because it will be broadcast on live TV with all kinds of sponsorship to generate huge amounts of revenue and be a big source of entertainment for people around the world! Now now, curb your enthusiasm, none of this has happened yet, but if we begin plans today, it could be up and running by 2018!
Assignment 13- Cameron Combs
One of the world greatest issues today is definitely car
crashes. No matter how many safety precautions car companies take, their cars
are never safe enough. This being said, it is left now to our government to
make the roads safe enough for these hazardous cars to drive on. Clearly, no
matter how many signs, lights, and limits we put on our roads, blacktop roads
will never truly be accident free. There must be a better solution. One
possible solution would be this: change all road ways worldwide to link
together with cars in order to keep them on the road and keep them from
colliding with other cars under all circumstances. This would be along the
lines of having the convenience of a train station departing from your driveway
at all times. This system could also be entirely computer automated to avoid
any possible human errors. Make all cars linked to one another so that each
will keep a safe distance from each other and never crash. This system could
also be made to be sensitive of all outside objects to avoid collisions with
any roadblocks, animals, or even pedestrians. This solution may take a lot of
work and the teamwork of officials from the entire nation, but the resulting
improvements would definitely justify the means of achieving them.
Saturday, November 21, 2015
Why Men are Clearly the Superior Race - Cas Young
Femininsimn. What is it? What is it good for? Why are women around the globe rising up against an oppression that doesn't exist? Our journalist Case Young tackles these questions so you don't have to.
A modern fad has arisen- Feninsm, the notion that women are equal to men. A Ludacris and unsupported movement with its roots on tumblr, a social media network endorsed by Che Guevara's Last Will and Testament, devoted to making everyone Democrats. This movement has never been seen before in history, and it never will make history because it is simply untrue and will only lead to mass genocide like the Nazi party did.
Women don't need to be asking for equality and rights- they have all they could ever need guaranteed to them by the Constitution and other laws. It says in the 19th Amendment that they have the right to vote, which was very generous of us, men, to give to them considering women are smaller and therefore have smaller brains. And they have Title IX which says they can't be discriminated against. There you have it. Now no one can ever discriminate against women in any setting, so they need to stop complaining.
We've given women so many rights beyond what they really need, I think we need to analyse why they didn't have them in the first place.
First of all, we don't have International Men's Day, and women have their own International day. Women have holidays all to themselves, and what to us men get? Nothing. Also, women are the physically and mentally weaker sex. It's just a biological fact that men have more muscles and height than women, therefore we need to protect them. Women are weak, fragile creatures that need to be protected, and that it our job as men. To save those women who have low self-esteem and validate their opinions. Women need us so that they'll be listened to, we tell people what they want and then we give it to them- it's that simple.
This wave of Feminiminsn is corrupting the brains of our women and children. It may claim to be a movement for the social, economic, and political equality of women and men, but if that's what it really was, wouldn't it be called something less sexist like Humanism? Food for thought. These Fesminisnosmsts enjoy hating men as a hobby- it's a discriminatory movement and us men should feel personally attacked. They say that we are putting their rights as humans beneath ours, but they just don't understand that we need to be their crutch for everything that they do because they are clearly incapable of doing anything without us, even something as simple as going out with friends. See Hillary Clinton- she would never be able to run for the presidency without the help of her husband Bill, who actually was the president.
Femims will destroy the very fabric of our society if we do not do something to stymie its growth once and for all. Vote Donald Trump. Combat Nazism and Socialism. What a hat.
A modern fad has arisen- Feninsm, the notion that women are equal to men. A Ludacris and unsupported movement with its roots on tumblr, a social media network endorsed by Che Guevara's Last Will and Testament, devoted to making everyone Democrats. This movement has never been seen before in history, and it never will make history because it is simply untrue and will only lead to mass genocide like the Nazi party did.
Women don't need to be asking for equality and rights- they have all they could ever need guaranteed to them by the Constitution and other laws. It says in the 19th Amendment that they have the right to vote, which was very generous of us, men, to give to them considering women are smaller and therefore have smaller brains. And they have Title IX which says they can't be discriminated against. There you have it. Now no one can ever discriminate against women in any setting, so they need to stop complaining.
We've given women so many rights beyond what they really need, I think we need to analyse why they didn't have them in the first place.
First of all, we don't have International Men's Day, and women have their own International day. Women have holidays all to themselves, and what to us men get? Nothing. Also, women are the physically and mentally weaker sex. It's just a biological fact that men have more muscles and height than women, therefore we need to protect them. Women are weak, fragile creatures that need to be protected, and that it our job as men. To save those women who have low self-esteem and validate their opinions. Women need us so that they'll be listened to, we tell people what they want and then we give it to them- it's that simple.
This wave of Feminiminsn is corrupting the brains of our women and children. It may claim to be a movement for the social, economic, and political equality of women and men, but if that's what it really was, wouldn't it be called something less sexist like Humanism? Food for thought. These Fesminisnosmsts enjoy hating men as a hobby- it's a discriminatory movement and us men should feel personally attacked. They say that we are putting their rights as humans beneath ours, but they just don't understand that we need to be their crutch for everything that they do because they are clearly incapable of doing anything without us, even something as simple as going out with friends. See Hillary Clinton- she would never be able to run for the presidency without the help of her husband Bill, who actually was the president.
Femims will destroy the very fabric of our society if we do not do something to stymie its growth once and for all. Vote Donald Trump. Combat Nazism and Socialism. What a hat.
Dear Abby: How do I get famous? Hye Jee Kim
Welcoooooome back! You're listening to 88.7, the station that just won't quit. I'm Abby, and this is my radio show, Dear Abby, where I answer all of your questions. If you want your questions answered on next week's show, send them by carrier pigeon to 1000 Street Road.
Donna,
Buffalo, New York
Thanks for your question Donna. Wanting to be famous is incredibly common, and something to be proud of. now, you're lucky to be living in a time where talent is completely unnecessary to gain fame and prestige. However, it will be incredibly hard work, and you must never stop until you achieve your goal.
I first piece of advice is this: Advertise yourself 24/7. Talk about yourself, and only yourself all of the time. When you see people in the street, offer them a picture or an autograph. This way you can get your name out. Plus, you'll seem incredibly generous to the public, as you are sharing yourself with them.
Secondly, you need something that will make you stand out. Don't worry, this doesn't necessarily have to be talent. If you have a rich father, or have an affair with a celebrity, you are well on your way to having your own reality show.
If that's impossible, post an inflammatory post on Facebook. You'll at least get 15 minutes of fame on Buzzfeed.
Oh! I almost forgot the most important thing. It is absolutely crucial that you have the "look". Now, that "look" is incredibly easy to achieve, and isn't unrealistic at all. All you have to do is starve yourself for 3 moons and photoshop your Instagram photos. If you do this, you can Run the World, and totally promote a healthy way of life.
Well, that's all for Dear Abby this week. Tune in next Thursday for more sound advice.
*I actually love Beyonce. No shade. Sorry
My Existence is Pointless Hye Jee Kim
I have no point. I'm just this little blue thing that sits on a desk, day in, day out. I'm supposed to be an eraser residue (like the little eraser dust stuff) vacuum.
I used to have a good life, on a shelf at a Chicago store. But then, one day, this strange beige claw snatched me out of my bliss. It stuck me into a bright red jail on wheels. I assume this jail had an archery range on it, as it had a big white target on it. Now my life has no point.
My days pretty much goes like this:
I used to have a good life, on a shelf at a Chicago store. But then, one day, this strange beige claw snatched me out of my bliss. It stuck me into a bright red jail on wheels. I assume this jail had an archery range on it, as it had a big white target on it. Now my life has no point.
My days pretty much goes like this:
- It gets light, and the giant monster is resurrected.
- The giant monster ignores me while it stumbles around doing weird monster things.
- The giant monster leaves.
- The two even bigger monsters leave.
- The computer calls a desktop meeting, which I'm not invited to (it's only for useful objects)
- I cry.
- The beautiful pen smiles at me, then walks off with the three-hole-punch, ignoring my existence.
- I cry.
- I try to hang out with the erasers, and get rejected.
- I cry.
- The giant monster comes home, and sits at the desk.
- I hope to get used.
- I don't get used.
- I cry.
- The giant monster makes the world go dark.
- The giant monster stares at a device that contains another world on its screen.
- The giant monster temporarily dies.
And it repeats.
fall (an attempt at satire)- Rachel Roberts
Fall. That weird place holder between summer and winter. What can be seen as an underserved season, especially around Thanksgiving since the whole world seems to be rushing towards Christmas. But don't fret, I have figured out a way to make this short season last! Pumpkin. That's right, pumpkin. After a recent trip to Kroger, I saw only a minimal amount of pumpkin flavored foods. So here is my 10 step plan to make fall last with pumpkin:
1.) From September 20th to December 1st you MUST have AT LEAST seven pumpkins on your front porch. This is tell the world that you are SO EXCITED IT'S FALL AND IT'S JUST THE BEST SEASON EVER!
2.) Only wear fall colors. You may ONLY wear red, orange (especially orange, that's the most important color), yellow and brown sweaters, paired with your basic black leggings and tan riding boots. Now you dress the part.
3.) You MUST buy a Pumpkin Spice Latte from your Lord and Savior Starbucks at least once a day. During these months you worship Starbucks because they have the best lattes.
4.) Instagram every fall outfit you wear and every single Pumpkin Spice Latte you get.
5.) Only eat pumpkin flavored food and drinks. All the essential foodstuffs you need have been luckily made in pumpkin flavor, like Pop Tarts, cupcakes, pies, cookies, and lattes. That pretty much covers all the food groups, so you will be so healthy as well.
6.) Those tiny pumpkins you made crafts out on in elementary school? Replace your apples and bananas with those. Just eat those like you would an apple, pretty much the same thing.
7.) Get creative with your cooking and add pumpkin to every single dish you make. Your whole family will love it.
8.) We've all seen those fancy detox waters on Pinterest with all the fruits and herbs, right? Well now you get to make pumpkin detox water! Just fill a glass half way full of water, add a handful of ice and then a handful of pumpkin goop! Very refreshing.
9.) Paint your walls a lovely pumpkin orange color. This color goes with everything, so go ahead and accent your home with leaves and more pumpkins!
10.) Be sure to tell all your friend and family fall is your favorite season repeatedly and give them anything and everything pumpkin flavored, you can convert them to being a fall lover such as yourself!
1.) From September 20th to December 1st you MUST have AT LEAST seven pumpkins on your front porch. This is tell the world that you are SO EXCITED IT'S FALL AND IT'S JUST THE BEST SEASON EVER!
2.) Only wear fall colors. You may ONLY wear red, orange (especially orange, that's the most important color), yellow and brown sweaters, paired with your basic black leggings and tan riding boots. Now you dress the part.
3.) You MUST buy a Pumpkin Spice Latte from your Lord and Savior Starbucks at least once a day. During these months you worship Starbucks because they have the best lattes.
4.) Instagram every fall outfit you wear and every single Pumpkin Spice Latte you get.
5.) Only eat pumpkin flavored food and drinks. All the essential foodstuffs you need have been luckily made in pumpkin flavor, like Pop Tarts, cupcakes, pies, cookies, and lattes. That pretty much covers all the food groups, so you will be so healthy as well.
6.) Those tiny pumpkins you made crafts out on in elementary school? Replace your apples and bananas with those. Just eat those like you would an apple, pretty much the same thing.
7.) Get creative with your cooking and add pumpkin to every single dish you make. Your whole family will love it.
8.) We've all seen those fancy detox waters on Pinterest with all the fruits and herbs, right? Well now you get to make pumpkin detox water! Just fill a glass half way full of water, add a handful of ice and then a handful of pumpkin goop! Very refreshing.
9.) Paint your walls a lovely pumpkin orange color. This color goes with everything, so go ahead and accent your home with leaves and more pumpkins!
10.) Be sure to tell all your friend and family fall is your favorite season repeatedly and give them anything and everything pumpkin flavored, you can convert them to being a fall lover such as yourself!
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Neighbors Viviana Ortiz
I've had my fair share of neighbors, seat partners, elbow bumper buddies, whatever you would like to call them. But for today I will talk about my first true friend Paul the pole.
Paul provided me with the energy I needed throughout the day. Now that I've moved away from him, my knowledge seems to lack in some areas toward the end of the day (when my phone dies). Regardless I still remember the good old times. The times at the beginning of the year when I would come in exhausted from staying up doing web homework and there was Paul. Always there to lean on.
But don't be fooled, our relationship was not good from the very beginning. Paul always seemed to come in between conversations I would try to have with friends from the other side. He's always been a bit stubborn and he REFUSED to move; HOW STUBBORN! He also just left a bad first impression. He has a bit of a tattoo obsession. They are drawn from head to toe! And some of them are simply absurd.
I'm glad Paul and I set aside our differences before we were forced apart, what can I say? He grew on me.
Paul provided me with the energy I needed throughout the day. Now that I've moved away from him, my knowledge seems to lack in some areas toward the end of the day (when my phone dies). Regardless I still remember the good old times. The times at the beginning of the year when I would come in exhausted from staying up doing web homework and there was Paul. Always there to lean on.
But don't be fooled, our relationship was not good from the very beginning. Paul always seemed to come in between conversations I would try to have with friends from the other side. He's always been a bit stubborn and he REFUSED to move; HOW STUBBORN! He also just left a bad first impression. He has a bit of a tattoo obsession. They are drawn from head to toe! And some of them are simply absurd.
I'm glad Paul and I set aside our differences before we were forced apart, what can I say? He grew on me.
Zombies (Assignment 10) Viviana Ortiz
What the even heck am I supposed to do? First, I know I would be entirely in shock and probably totally unprepared. Actually I'm gonna be totally prepared because of the thought that went into writing this blog post.
1) Food. Definitely, the food would be the first step. When the world is ending you are going to have to run to far away places and travel and all that fun stuff, so I would rather not eat humans and continue to enjoy some halfway normal nutrition. I would recommend nonperishable items with the occasional pineapple to keep your sanity (fun fact: I really like pineapple).
2) DON'T FORGET TOILET PAPER... and other fun stuff. I know that food is the most important thing, but please remember on your trip to the *store that civilization is slowly being eaten by the undead. Be prepared in all the ways you can be.
*Store choice: I recommend Costco, it kinda has everything.
3) Leave, go far far away. Fuel will be super expensive if available at all so I wouldn't depend on your car. Buy a bicycle, get some exercise.
4) Always be prepared, I suppose, you never know when it's coming. Don't spend your time on the sofa watching TV. Need motivation to exercise? You would be dead in seconds. Okay? Okay.
5) Have friends. This is a kind of optional one when it comes to the apocalypse.
Benefits include: sanity, more hands to help out with the zombie situation, someone to depend on, or the occasional person to kick down when being chased by zombies so that they won't catch you. (not recommended, please don't kick your friends. No. Bad.)
Drawbacks: you have to depend on other people, they might drive you insane, they could totally kick you down before you kick them down (that's always fun)
SO basically, your choice. My choice would be to pick some really trustworthy friends.
That's about it I guess, but maybe I'm not as prepared as I should be. Oh well. Zombies are humans too. :) :(
1) Food. Definitely, the food would be the first step. When the world is ending you are going to have to run to far away places and travel and all that fun stuff, so I would rather not eat humans and continue to enjoy some halfway normal nutrition. I would recommend nonperishable items with the occasional pineapple to keep your sanity (fun fact: I really like pineapple).
2) DON'T FORGET TOILET PAPER... and other fun stuff. I know that food is the most important thing, but please remember on your trip to the *store that civilization is slowly being eaten by the undead. Be prepared in all the ways you can be.
*Store choice: I recommend Costco, it kinda has everything.
3) Leave, go far far away. Fuel will be super expensive if available at all so I wouldn't depend on your car. Buy a bicycle, get some exercise.
4) Always be prepared, I suppose, you never know when it's coming. Don't spend your time on the sofa watching TV. Need motivation to exercise? You would be dead in seconds. Okay? Okay.
5) Have friends. This is a kind of optional one when it comes to the apocalypse.
Benefits include: sanity, more hands to help out with the zombie situation, someone to depend on, or the occasional person to kick down when being chased by zombies so that they won't catch you. (not recommended, please don't kick your friends. No. Bad.)
Drawbacks: you have to depend on other people, they might drive you insane, they could totally kick you down before you kick them down (that's always fun)
SO basically, your choice. My choice would be to pick some really trustworthy friends.
That's about it I guess, but maybe I'm not as prepared as I should be. Oh well. Zombies are humans too. :) :(
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
pretentious blog post numero who really knows? rachael gilbert
I'm quite terrible at writing (especially satire) so I apologize in advance for this attempt. But here we go (cue drumroll):
An Offical Step-by-Step Guide on How to Parent
1) names are by far the most important aspect of a child's birth. To name your child properly you must pick a name that is relatively normal, but then completley fuck up the spelling. This makes your child unique and better than all the other children around him. (Examples include: Mycull (Michael) and Beengermain (Benjamin)).
In a similar vein, other great potential baby names would include ideals they definitely won't rebel against as the move into adulthood (Chasity) or professions (Pilot).
2.) Now that your child is born, you have now entered the noble sport known throughout the competitive world as the "Babylympics". Popular events include: remarking on how "gifted" your child is at every possible opportunity, flooding your instagram and Facebook with your cute new little sack of salavia and shit, and hours spent awake (consecutively). YOU MUST WIN ALL OF THESE.
3.) You're child is new to this world, be careful not to expect too much from them. When reprimanding them, be sure to use the same expletive. Consistency is key here.
4.) You're not doing your job as a parent unless you take (and post) at least four pictures per hour of your brand new deformed potato to every social media platform you possess. Your family and friends will love the updates!
5.) Your child should definitely not eat baby food or get vaccines. These have the potential of harming your little one! You want your child to grow up naturally and no artificial hormones or sugars will stand in your way. To truly simulate this natural process, take a hike with the whole family and leave your newborn in the woods. It's the natural way.
6.) Don't try and push your baby too hard, it should be at least three months old before you begin enrolling it in piano lessons and college preparatory courses.
Monday, November 16, 2015
Rick Marino 12
Foods are like kamikaze fighters. They sacrifice their entire being to please their God, the almighty King Calorie. In the mind of a food, a fulfilling life means being glurped down a slippery throat and digested in fiery stomach acids. However, a handful of morsels are not able to carry out their religious callings. For whatever reason, they are deemed outcasts in the diets of their humanoid proprietors. Their inadequacies haunt the very core soul day and night. The owners stroll past their resting spots without a glance in their direction. Completely indifferent. With each passing, the foods cry out with greater agony, and their hearts are ever more smashed, like junkyard cars in a compactor. A realization of their inevitable incompetence manifests, and they understand that they won't achieve their ultimate goal.
At night, all the foods gather and rejoice and throw wild, wacky, womping parties. They hold ravenous and romping raves to celebrate their yumminess. The food outcasts, who know their morbid fates, do not participate in the festivities. Instead, they choose to console each other by means of a social therapy association. Kind of analogous to Fight Club, they relieve their sorrows by beating the living calorie out of each other. All the bottled frustrations and angers blow up like a series of firecrackers. The next day, they resume their regular position in the kitchen, as do all the foods, and their previously colorful emotions return to grey existence. This combating, collaborative collection of buddying nutrition is known as the Grocery Group.
At night, all the foods gather and rejoice and throw wild, wacky, womping parties. They hold ravenous and romping raves to celebrate their yumminess. The food outcasts, who know their morbid fates, do not participate in the festivities. Instead, they choose to console each other by means of a social therapy association. Kind of analogous to Fight Club, they relieve their sorrows by beating the living calorie out of each other. All the bottled frustrations and angers blow up like a series of firecrackers. The next day, they resume their regular position in the kitchen, as do all the foods, and their previously colorful emotions return to grey existence. This combating, collaborative collection of buddying nutrition is known as the Grocery Group.
Know Your Neighbor- Meriwether Carling
Still not sure if he wants to be called Kyree or Carl, but anyways for the sake of this blog I'm going to go with Kyree. "Carling" and "Carpenter" have always been close to each other, if not right next to each other in any type of seating chart or anything to do with last names. In the 6th grade he was the locker below me because of our last names. I've always known Kyree and have had classes with him ever since middle school but we've never really gotten to know each other that well.
Before class almost everyday Kyree stands behind his desk and looks at Henry's shoes then proceeds to roast him for them. Following this, Henry stands up and points at Kyree's shoes and says the phrase "WHAT ARE THOSE". High school boys these days... I may never understand.
ANYWAYS, if I had to characterize Kyree as a color I would probably say he is a burnt orange because he is quiet around me, but I know around his friends he is very social and funny to be with. Therefore, he isn't JUST an orange, but he has that extra quality to him that makes him different, but also a quality everyone likes. In my opinion burnt orange goes with that description. And reading over that, it makes no sense at all but just go with it.
Assignment 13: Changes!
Think of all of the things and ideas that exist in the world.
Which one bothers you the most?
First I would spend some time watching and or reading a great deal of satire to get into in the mental mode satire requires.
To Be Absolutely Clear -
You are writing your own satire, not discussing satire. Read lots and lots and lots of The Onion before you start!
To Be Absolutely Clear -
You are writing your own satire, not discussing satire. Read lots and lots and lots of The Onion before you start!
Minimum of 150 words - due Sunday, November 22rd at 11:59 pm
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Pine Trees and Sandalwood- Cas Young
I'm arguably the most dangerous thing in this whole house. When I was first bought, the self-checkout said she'd have to present a photo-ID to the attendant. That's how dangerous I am. But I'm kind of small, and I'm nothing special, and I'm not even a pretty color. I'm two inches long and black and I spend most days sitting on top of a dresser on the metal lid that used to live on top of a candle. I'm glad he doesn't complain that I'm too heavy.
She doesn't like lighting me very much. I can tell by the way her hands shake when she's tilting me to the side and the little flame ghosts her fingers. I burnt her once, but she didn't shout, and I haven't hurt her since then. Even when my little flame was small, blue, and shaky at best, she still used me.
Her mom steals me at night sometimes to light her cigarettes. Part of me is sad- cigarettes are full of bad stuff and if it weren't for me, she wouldn't be smoking it. But another part of me is used to it. This is what I was made to do, anyways. I'm dangerous. That's why we needed an ID. Her mom leaves me outside when she's done with me. It's cold outside, and it rained a couple times, so I felt pretty sad. A few days later, she found me and took me back upstairs to her room, back on the metal lid, who said he missed me.
I like it better up there. I don't have to light cigarettes. I don't worry about burning her anymore, and even if I do, she doesn't let me know, but the little quiver of her hand is oddly comforting. She always seems happier after she uses me, she says the room smells like Christmas and her mom say it's really strong and I'm just a little black lighter that can't smell anything, but if I could, I bet it would smell great.
My favourite candle she lights with me is a little black one with one wick, I think it's shorter than me. She says it smells like sandalwood and that she likes the smell of sandalwood and I just kind of have to take her word for it, but nothing makes me happier than knowing she's using me with a warm heart. That's all a two-inch lighter can ask for, right?
She doesn't like lighting me very much. I can tell by the way her hands shake when she's tilting me to the side and the little flame ghosts her fingers. I burnt her once, but she didn't shout, and I haven't hurt her since then. Even when my little flame was small, blue, and shaky at best, she still used me.
Her mom steals me at night sometimes to light her cigarettes. Part of me is sad- cigarettes are full of bad stuff and if it weren't for me, she wouldn't be smoking it. But another part of me is used to it. This is what I was made to do, anyways. I'm dangerous. That's why we needed an ID. Her mom leaves me outside when she's done with me. It's cold outside, and it rained a couple times, so I felt pretty sad. A few days later, she found me and took me back upstairs to her room, back on the metal lid, who said he missed me.
I like it better up there. I don't have to light cigarettes. I don't worry about burning her anymore, and even if I do, she doesn't let me know, but the little quiver of her hand is oddly comforting. She always seems happier after she uses me, she says the room smells like Christmas and her mom say it's really strong and I'm just a little black lighter that can't smell anything, but if I could, I bet it would smell great.
My favourite candle she lights with me is a little black one with one wick, I think it's shorter than me. She says it smells like sandalwood and that she likes the smell of sandalwood and I just kind of have to take her word for it, but nothing makes me happier than knowing she's using me with a warm heart. That's all a two-inch lighter can ask for, right?
One nation under Rick Brian Sato
This is my kind of blog. If one day a zombie Apocalypse were to start I would first go to a CVS or Walgreens to get any kind of pain medication, bandages and other medical supplies as well as getting any food there that I could get. I would go to a pawn shop or Dick's Sporting Goods because there are many choices of weapons ranging from rifles to blunt weapons such as a baseball bat or an occasional katana. Make defensive measures around the house such as boarding up windows and always keep a 24 hour watch. If there are other survivors near you, try and create a community but don't let any person with an eye patch in charge or a person who is called the governor. From there, make walls and create divisions of labor such as a group that finds supplies and a group that builds things and boom you survive the zombie Apocalypse. Maybe I can make a show about that.
Assignment #12 - Daniel Kolpek
I've always wondered what it would be like if airplanes weren't inanimate. I imagine they would have a lot of fun. They could fly wherever in the world they wanted to go and carry people across the world. The only thing they would have to worry about is gas. They would be best friends with their pilot and they could talk while they were flying to their destination. Each airplane could be a commercial airplane where it works hard everyday transporting people from city to city, state to state. Or it could be a private plane for a celebrity and fly to parties in Vegas or the Eiffel Tower in Paris. It could even go solo and just fly wherever it wanted to go, and be free. They would always feel the wind blowing in their face. They would cloud watch as they flew, and think about what each cloud looked like. They would have great care free lives and enjoy the beauty of the world.
12) Alec Dupont
A day in the life of my car is an uneventful one. It is a long and tired life, that of a car, it is the simple mechanical beast of burden. I has the most boring eight to four job in the world, it sits still waiting for my return. I am the boss of this unfortunate machine, it does my bidding, on my schedule, my terms. It waits on me, as I ask it to fly over paved dirt to my boring life. Every weekday it wakes at seven. It is early, and quite often cold. It start it up, sputtering on occasion, yet always starting true, always driving true. I trust the thing with my life. Its combustion engine, fine tuned with oil, parts replaced and pieces worn down, still fires each stroke with powerful inefficiency. With only fifteen miles per gallon it is a hungry beast. Yet it is my beast, it is my lifeline to independence. without it I must be ferried around by others. So despite its age and wear I love my car.
Assignment 9 Brian Sato
There is a time for talking and there is a time for war. Not all disputes can be settled through pen and paper. War is one of the lesser evils.
War should not be the first option. But when a country is attacked (9/11, Pearl Harbor), they should be able to retaliate. War is a defensive measure and should stay that way. If a country doesn't attack back, it shows weakness therefore will be attacked again. Also if another allied country is being torn apart by the attacking country, we should not declare war unless the country says it needs help.
If talking it out was more effective, more people would do that but that is not the case. Either you win the war or both sides get tired of the bloodshed and stop. It's hard for a war to stop (World War II) even if a country is pretty much defeated. A country could keep fighting till the last man for its cause. Alternatives don't work which is why war keeps on going. That is the harsh reality of this world. I hope war just becomes history but wars will continue to happen in the future.
War should not be the first option. But when a country is attacked (9/11, Pearl Harbor), they should be able to retaliate. War is a defensive measure and should stay that way. If a country doesn't attack back, it shows weakness therefore will be attacked again. Also if another allied country is being torn apart by the attacking country, we should not declare war unless the country says it needs help.
If talking it out was more effective, more people would do that but that is not the case. Either you win the war or both sides get tired of the bloodshed and stop. It's hard for a war to stop (World War II) even if a country is pretty much defeated. A country could keep fighting till the last man for its cause. Alternatives don't work which is why war keeps on going. That is the harsh reality of this world. I hope war just becomes history but wars will continue to happen in the future.
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