on mayonnaise and terrible people: rachael gilbert

fears: the dark, death, ants

annoyances: slow walking people, mayonnaise, ketchup, small dogs

accomplishments: all 5s on my ap exams, running a half marathon

confusions: math, people who take advantage of other’s kindness

sorrows: relationship with my sister, grade on last biology test

dreams: writing for a living, learning to swim, moving to a city

idiosyncrasies: (slight) harry potter obsession, dislike of capitalization, active conspiracy theory analyst

risks: crossing the road without looking (i’m so badass), scuba diving license (want)

beloved possessions (then and now): beanie babies (then…i’m so sorry. i’m actually a 85 year old grandmother), copy of the little prince and dog (lupin (now))

problems: lying, basic human interaction

 

i hate a lot of things (including that word). slow walking people, people who try to check out with more than ten items in the express lane (you are the spawn of lucifer himself), small dogs, toothpastes that aren’t mint flavored, all of the condiments except mustard. i also feel like i rant about them quite a lot, but #YOLO (the term “yolo” is also horrifying) i’m going to rant some more.

mayonnaise?

die.

you are literally the sweaty nasty lovechild of butter and sour cream and everyone hates you. you’re weird and uncomfortable and you smell funny. also, you don’t go with anything. what do you make better with your presence? has anyone ever been like;

“hey. this sandwich totally needs to be even more disgusting. let’s add some literal swamp poison on top.”

no they haven’t. only canadians and brits like you. the canadians are too nice to say that they hate you and the brits have no taste (reference beans on toast).

moving on.

people who try to check out with more than ten items in the express lane:

did something happen to you when you were small? were you dropped on your head as a child? is that why you want to watch the world burn? hmmm? because all i want to do is buy some fruit snacks and some chocolate milk. and you just have to come in here with the entire store strapped to your cart like you are the mayor of the universe. get out.