to speak or not to speak, that is the question- Rachel Roberts

Fears: failure, heights, small spaces
Annoyances: tactless people, pretentious people, rude people in general
Accomplishments: various piano awards, various singing events/invites
Confusions: why people feel the need to act like they are better than everyone else
Sorrows: being shy
Dreams: working for Disney, Broadway, travel
Idiosyncrasies: quiet, musical
Risks: auditions in general, driving
Beloved Possessions: stuffed animals (then, like most little girls), sheet music (now)
Problems: staying focused


My daily internal struggle; to speak up or not speak up. A struggle many shy people are all to familiar with. Part of me is absolutely terrified to even make eye contact and the other constantly wants to be in the lime light. And there is no happy medium to this situation.

It consistently happens during class discussions. I will have an important point to add to the conversation, so I either:
a. look at the ground and hope no one notices I'm still in the room, avoiding eye contact like the plague
b. half way raise my hand, avoid eye contact, and quickly put in down as soon as its acknowledge and denied that it was ever up (my attempt at a happy medium)
c. raise my hand, get called on, and say something so incredible stupid while stuttering and tripping over my words until the teacher cuts me off, further adding to my wish to crawl under the floor tile

This is why I hate being shy because I WANT to talk, I WANT to be a productive member of the class but then again I don't. Its a plague I continue to battle against , trying to over come it, but it continues to conquer me daily. Its the one quality I truly hate about myself because its such a weakness, one I don't understand or have the tools to over come.

People often overlook you when you are shy, or automatically think of you as less when you can't perfectly articulate your points in front of a whole class. Its truly challenge to walk around your whole like with that label on you, epically when you didn't have before.

All I can say is that a talkative, outgoing little girl got told to shut up or called stupid one too many times because she then built a wall up and refused to get told that ever again. She plagued herself with a terrible thing called being shy just to please others and to avoid getting hurt ever again. Except she didn't think that making herself shy would hurt even more than being told to shut up. Now she has a hard time speaking at all.

well that was bit dramatic (sorry didn't think I would take it that far but oh well), but all true. and that's why being shy is the biggest sorrow that has ever come into my life.