Of Fuckups and Animal Crackers: Rachael Gilbert

I looked back at my goals for this year and...
All of them were boring af.
So instead of talking about grades and ACT scores, I want to talk to you about (to put it eloquently): what I fucked up in 2015/2016.
1.) MyFitnessPal
So, a couple of months ago my mom pointed out to me that my diet wasn't the...healthiest. For about a week I was supremely offended until the lunchlady that I buy food from every day kindly informed me that I had eaten one poptart and one fruit roll up every single day for the last six weeks.
Yeah.
So I decided to download an "fitness" app to make me more accountable for the whole eating thing. The first day I used it was a test run, I didn't alter anything about my diet (more poptarts and fruit roll ups).
1.) I consumed a grand total of 616 calories that day.
2.) MyFitnessPal kindly informed me that I was going to die.
So I decided to start eating better, which meant actually packing my lunch and all that jazz. Now I need you to understand something: I am crazily competitive. If you give me a something to do, goddamnit, I will get it done.
So when MyFitnessPal gave me a goal of calories to reach (and not go over) there was no way in hell I wasn't winning.
so when I decided to have a milkshake..or large French fries...or both and I knew I would go over my calorie limit...I just wouldn't enter them.

This is not helpful.
That's some firsthand advice right there.

So while MyFitnessPal was congratulating me and stroking my ego my health was still in a rapid decline.

Now I haven't actually "fixed" this problem. While I'm still using MyFitnessPal....I'm also still "stretching the truth" (for example as I type I am eating an insomnia cookies brownie and drinking a choclate milkshake. Healthy choices kids. Balance).
So yeah. Fuckup numero uno.

2.) I killed my dog.

Well. Not actually.
Almost.
I bought him these really cute treats that were basically the puppy equivalent of animal crackers (cue collective awwws) and since both the animal crackers and my dog are adorable, I kept giving them to him.

Turns out my dog is allergic to "wheatgrass".
The main ingredient in puppy animal crackers.
Sad.

So one trip to the puppy pediatrician and everything was fine. But it was super scary and I almost killed my number one favorite being in existence.

3.) I failed at basic human skills...i.e. walking and looking at the same time.

So, I was running (hahaha. Gasping and walking tbh) and...I got hit by a car.

A slow car, so no broken bones. Actually, technically, the car was not moving. I was.
It's a funny story and I do enjoy anedotes so:
When I run I vary between two emotions:
1.) YAAAAAAS BITCH
2.) OH HELLLLLLL NO
(number 2 usually lasts longer than number 1) but it's not a gradual shift between 1 and 2, like I will be jogging slower than I walk (it can be done) and then I'll just take off spirniting like some short, less graceful, chubby gazelle (it's a sight).
So I'm this situation I was transitioning between 2 and 1.
I was not looking where I was going.
So, at full Gilbert speed, I ran into a stationary truck.
the side of it.
With me face.
With someone inside aforemention car.

AHHHHHHHH.

I am an awkward person.
It happens.
But this was the worst thing that has ever occured to me in the awkwardness category (that's a lie actually...the infamous "Charlie Inccident" and "Awkward Encounters with Mr. Lentz" rank higher).
the man was very apologetic, mostly because my nose was bleeding profusley.

But.
It.
Wasn't.
His.
Fault.

I just screwed up reaaaaaaaaal bad.
So I excused myself and made sure there wasn't a "my nose shaped dent" in the side of this man's F-150 and ran off as quickly as possible.

I could go on, but I'm tired and I feel like I've already lost enough of my miniscule dignity for one go.

The pictures are of my dog...who is the best. His name is Remus W. Lupin but we just call him Lou and he is my favorite thing that has ever existed. It's his second birthday as of 50 minutes ago so yeah...he kicks ass.
My only "goals" are to maximize the amount of time spent hiking and snuggling with Lou.