How to ... Cure a Ham? - Emily Sandford

Before you ask this isn't some sarcastic satire on how everyone should be vegan, or a comedic piece on food processing, this how to (in my limited experience) cure a country ham.

This process should really start in January so its nice and cold.

1.) So first things first you need a ham. A freshly or semi freshly cut ham off of a pig. (Pretty much the hind legs without the foot).
2.) Then you make a mixture of brown sugar, salt, white sugar, pepper, paprika, and nirates (but nitrates should not be in a large quantity because they can kill you).
3.) Take that mixture and apply everywhere onto the ham, paying extra special attention to the buttface, and shank.
4.) Take the ham wrap it in some paper then place into a ham sock.
5.) Tie a knot at the end then hang in a cool dry place perferably a ham house, but a basement will probably do just fine.
6.) Leave it there for around four or five months. Then wash off the mixture, and the mold.
7.) Place in a new clean ham sock and allow to hang for four more months, so it can go through the July sweats.
8.) Clean off the new mold, and make sure its not rotten by stabing a kabob stick into the shank (you WILL know if its rotten).If you want to show it off to your friends put some vegetable oil on it, if not go find someplace that cuts them.
9.) Find the proper cooking instructions for country hams and enjoy.