I HAVE NO TALENTS - Cas Young

Hello my name is Cas and my only talent is dancing and doing impressions, but I can't teach you how to do that. Whoops. So instead of teaching you how to something I'm good at, I'm going to teach you how to do something every man should be able to do but somehow never can actually do it. Make the perfect Toaster Strudel.

HOW TO MAKE A TOASTER STRUDEL TOASTED BY JESUS'S OWN WARM BUTT BUNS
1. Buy your preferred flavor of Toaster Strudel. (The only acceptable flavors are strawberry, raspberry, and strawberries and creme. If you buy any other flavor you're sorely mistaken and I will have to hunt you down and pry them from your cold dead hands.)
2. Take out two Toaster Strudels and TWO icing packets. ONLY TWO. How many icing packets do you need? TWO. Not three, not four, TWO. If you use more than two you will hate yourself because you will have no icing left for the other Strudels and they will never fulfill their true destiny.
3. ONLY TAKE OUT TWO ICING PACKETS, DAMNIT!
4. Put the Strudels in the toaster and let them toast for around four to five minutes depending on how crisp you want the outside to be.
5. The outside may look a little burnt. It's not. It may smell a little burnt, but it is not I promise you.
6. Don't eat it yet! It is still cold on the inside! Believe me! It always is! Always!
7. Put the Toaster Strudels on a paper towel and put them in the microwave. Microwave for minimum 15-25 seconds. Any longer and your Toaster Strudel will be soggy.
8. Remove from microwave and open icing packets. Apply in pattern as shown on box or draw a picture. Any other way simply isn't as joyful.
9. Put on a plate and eat, careful not to let icing get all over your hands. But if you do it's okay because you have napkins. (SEE WHY I SAID ONLY TWO ICING PACKETS??)