the best and worst instrument Hye Jee Kim

Since fourth grade me picked up a viola for the first time, I've become relatively not terrible at it so here's how to survive being a violist.

1. Learn how to read alto clef. It is the best and only acceptable clef. (boooo treble clef)
2. Accept the fact that you will be the butt of many jokes (ie What's the definition of a minor second? Two violas playing in unison)
3. Be okay with the fact that your conductor will hate your section (especially if you're in CKYO)
4. Don't join CKYO. Unless you like the idea of feeling inadequate for 3.5 hours per week
5. Take lessons from Dale Jones. No one else is an acceptable viola teacher. All hail Dale.
6. Hate the sound of the E string. The E string is stupid.
7. Don't practice too hard. That will just earn you hatred from all of the other violists.
8. Become super good at faking it. This requires elaboration
1. Position your stand and seat so you are in direct eyesight of the bow of that one violist that know's what he/she is doing
2. Make sure you can see the bow at all times without being too obvious
3. When you're playing, move your fingers on your strings but DON'T PRESS DOWN ALL THE WAY. The result is a really quiet sound that the brass will drown out
4. Change your bow with the rest of the section
5. Try to be on the same string as the rest of your section. 
9. Audition for All State. Literally all of the violas get in because there are like 30 of us.
10. If you're auditioning for GSA in viola, nail the interview. I just completely screwed up one measure (like I just stopped playing for 5 seconds) and they still let me in because I'm a violist and I did alright in my interview.
11. Find a song that you like (I recommend any Phantom of the Opera song) and just figure out how to play it on your viola whenever you're bored during rehearsal.
12. Don't be too obvious about checking the time during rehearsal. 
13. Keep a pencil in your viola case. It comes in handy
14. Cry whenever you feel inadequate. Then get over yourself and trudge on.