How to make America great again; the middle eas(t)y solution- Henry Walther

Paris.

What is the first thing to come to mind? Is it the Eiffel tower's majestic beauty or the rich cultural history of France? No. If you are reading this in the month of November, 2015, the first thing to come to mind is not a pleasant thought. We think of terrorism, we think of loss, we think of destruction. The rise of ISIS and similar extremist groups have devastated millions in the middle east but who cares about that? They attacked Paris. Paris! The 129 lives lost in Paris are by far the worst attack ever carried out by a terrorist group ever since 9/11. 

Now, what is the reason for this? The countries in Europe have taken on by FAR the most muslims and what was the result? Terrorism and death. I hold no prejudges against muslims, I even have a brown friend who sometimes wears hats that wrap around his head. But these herds of arabs invading Europe (illegally!) cannot be welcomed with open arms. 

I propose a solution.

In order to save American ideals and cultures and freedom, we must teaches these poor souls the way of civilization. Ellis Island will be reopened for hundreds, neigh, thousands of refugees. Upon arrival to America all aliens will be put in cargo trains and shipped to North Dakota. There, they will arrive at the most modernized, up to date, savvy, and impressive camps in the whole world. We will first need to ensure all refugees are presentable so obviously all beards must go along with all head coverings on women. This is America women should be forced to be free! After repeated hosing and the introduction of soap to the refugees, we will show them how to be civilized. The first thing they must do is have an American feast (fit for a sultan!) fully outfitted with apple pie, bacon, sausage, McDonalds, and sweet tea. After finishing, we will provide education. Complete history of America's rich melting pot tradition (all taught in English of course!) and rigorous concentration in these camps on the backwards lifestyle in the Middle East. 

Once the refugees finish the curriculum, they will have to pass a speech, smell, and patriotism test in order to be released into democracy. They will then be able to live out the American dream of working 40 hour work weeks at low paying jobs just to watch all the profits rise to the stock holders and managers at the top! But don't worry it will all trickle down someday so keep working, keep eating bacon, and keep voicing your opinion (as long as it isn't in muslim), because you're in America now! Home of the free!