Rick Marino 13

Cell Phone Predicament-

We have all heard it: "All you young ins ever do is have your face buried in that phone gadget of yours! I miss the good ol' days when you could get an ice-cream for 5 cents. Bah Humbug!!!" The words crackle out of the dry esophaguses  of raisin-faced, pruny-fingered, grumpy old buzzard-looking people at retirement homes and oatmeal festivals. The elders' gripes are charged back by bellowing war cries from a rebellious youth. My generation worships the technology gods, while the senior citizens detest their existence. Why can't we all just get along? We can, I declare!!!

A Simple Solution-

I have a clean-cut proposal to appease both viewpoints. Cracked Cocaine!! With a myriad of overt positive possibilities, I am frankly astonished that I am the first vocal proponent of such a blatant concept. We merely supply doses of crack to every public school kid in America. Unlocking the same cascading waterfalls of neurotransmitters as cell phones, children will finally be able to carry on throughout the day without completely immersing themselves in their individual gizmos. Crack will deliver so much enjoyment and euphoria, the youth may forget about their phones all together! School attendance will soar as the coke spreads. To receive a dose of drugs, you will have to show up to class. And don't fret about the cost of the whole ordeal! Because the children must behave to earn their crack, all school police enforcement will be laid off. The money saved will be employed to purchase the cocaine.

Allocating crack to kids will solve innumerable problems in this nation!!